what i want

I want to be strong, though often I falter,

to feel glee when I drown in despair.

I want to be sane, though at times I’m unhinged,

to be kind but my cruelty seeps through.

I want to be understood, just as words escape me,

to endure as my running legs collapse.

I want to be patient, not ugly and cross,

to hope when I find myself doubting.

I want to shout to the world, but so few are listening,

to run and jump and thrive.

I want to shed worry, feel free as a bird,

to embrace others, not pass judgment at all.

I want to smile through a face sometimes sullen and dark,

to laugh through eyes cascading in tears.

I want to breathe through the times I feel stifled,

to move forward, only as time stands still.

I want my child to be healthy, but he simply is not,

want his seizures to stop but they hammer on through.

I want a cure for his fits, but so few are looking,

want him free from the drugs, not doped up for life.

I know what I want, that part is easy,

I want to be happy, and I've found a way there.

I want to speak for my son, which I've learned how to do,

I want to love and be loved. I am lucky it's true.

photo by Michael Kolster