because

Saturday, mostly because of chronic sleep deprivation, I felt exhausted, but I had to push through it to prepare for an intimate holiday gathering for some of our closest friends and neighbors. Because of Calvin’s hysteria I dreaded a seizure. Because our beloved nurse Barbara gave her two-week notice shortly after she walked through the door I fell deeper into the grips of angst and sorrow. But because of a long list of simple delights—not including the seizure Calvin did indeed have during the party—I managed to lie awake for hours next to him listening to the music throb downstairs and to voices of our friends mingling and just be grateful . . .

. . . because madeleine’s magnificent ways. because kim’s compassion. because jeff’s funny tale about dog shit on his shoes. because michael’s holiday cookies. because john’s charming smile. because keisha’s bodaciousness. because teresa’s honest beauty. because stefanie’s guacamole and rustic chips. because jane’s simple sweetness. because fabian’s lesson on single malt scotch. because bridget’s candles, and titus too. because catherine’s christmas cookies. because bill's good nature. because seventies songs. because leah’s lushness. because alex’s relaxedness. because jill’s gravid belly. because tricia’s aura. because dewitt’s charm. because adrian's christmas sweater. because henry’s hulking hugs. because tim’s kindliness. because brian crashed that party so many years ago. because peter, what more can i say? because candlelight. because megan’s simple beauty. because barbara’s ravishing red dress and loveliness. because m&ms. because nellie. because joanne’s joviality. because sarah’s bright eyes. because mary’s sequins skirt. because backyard bonfires. because stephen’s chivalry. because jen’s generous warmth. because accra’s prosecco. because mark’s compassion. because bourbon on ice. because brian’s way too easy hard cider. because kevin’s esprit. because jackie's curls. because vlad, just vlad. because ta’s arrival. because laura’s luminosity. because david’s nutty nature. because somebody's badass brownies. because connie’s cheerfulness. because mustard. because martin’s wit. because matt’s bromance. because karen’s spirit. because kathy and her fuzzy sweater. because spiral cut hams. because barbara. because jen’s brains and beauty. because michael’s heart. because lauren’s tenderness and patience with me, michael and calvin. because calvin and climbing into bed next to him. because new friends, including jens, and old friends and friends who, most regrettably and quite inadvertently, were left off of our guest list. sorry.

. . . because cannabis, and because calvin didn't have a second seizure and seemed to wake up feeling okay.