all i want is to lie quietly for awhile on a blanket outside with my son. all i want is for us to make it all the way down the block. all i want is to hear him tell me what is wrong. all i want is for his seizures to stop. all i want is to never give him another drug.
all i want is for him to stop staring at the sun. all i want is for him to drink without spilling it down his chin. all i want is to be able to ease his pain. all i want is to better know what he wants. all i want is for him to eat with a spoon. all i want is for him is to chew well enough not to choke.
all i want is for him to tell us what happens at school. all i want is for him to dress and undress himself. all i want is for him to stop wetting the bed. all i want is for him to stop biting and drooling on every surface in the house. all i want is for him to stay calm enough for me to read him a book.
all i want is to sleep four or more hours without getting up. all i want is a day to myself. all i want is for him to run around and play by himself. all i want is for him to walk without my help. all i want is for his manic outbursts to stop. all i want is to know what is inside his head.
all i want is to feel more like i once did.
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| Photo by Michael Kolster |
All you want is to live in your full Motherhood and not as a caregiver, too. Not too much to ask, my friend. Not at all.
ReplyDeletethank you dear friend.
DeleteSuch a tough row to hoe, not the life you envisioned. I want all these things for you, too, and just wish that the pain I genuinely feel for you could somehow make your days easier. Does Calvin like/respond to music? I'd be happy to come over and play guitar for him.
ReplyDeletethank you, writer. yes, Calvin likes music. thank you for your kind sentiments and offer to play guitar. thankfully, my husband has got it covered.
DeleteI've been a silent reader or a while- but only now commenting. From one epilepsy mom to another- stay strong and much love.It's not the easiest road we're on.
ReplyDeleteso nice to hear from you, sharmila. though I don't wish epilepsy on any family, it is comforting to know I'm not alone.
DeleteBig hugs
ReplyDeleteoh Ian, I feel them. xoxo to you too. christy
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