letting go

i walked to the fields and laid in the grass. the sun was still out. the air had cooled a bit. smellie was off leash sniffing what there was to sniff. i was grateful she wasn't eating vermin or shit. a cool breeze lifted the warmth from my back and neck. it felt good to sink into the grass. i wanted to linger there—let go and lose myself in it—but i only had five minutes before i had to be back at the crib.

calvin was out getting ice cream with mary. blueberry flavored, i found out later. during school break, she's helping me a few days a week. wednesdays are reserved for date night. michael and i plan to go out or invite ourselves over to your house. i kid you not.

calvin has had a couple of good days in a row. he was happy as a clam in the car today. cool as a cucumber, which made meandering the roads easier. it has been awhile since i've seen the carhart dog walker on our car rides. i wonder about him and hope he's okay.

in my free time i'm getting some gardening done. feels so good to lose myself in the earth. kinda like i did as a kid. i need to get lost more. practice letting go. i feel like i've forgotten how to do it. i'm so intent on everything. don't like to be out of control. don't like to stray too far from home. gotta ride my bike since it's been fixed. maybe i'll pedal the back roads. go check out that pond on rossmore. open air. new perspective. maybe i'll get lost pondering it.