getting lost and forgetting

it has been seventeen days since calvin's last grand mal. equal to a stint in early march. closing in on a longer stretch last december. i wish my worry decreased along with his seizures, but i'm always on guard waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop. spending time in the garden and out and about helps me in getting lost and forgetting. it's good to try and focus on anything but my son and his wretched condition—birdwatching, watering, pruning a little, jogging, writing. anything that takes me places besides the stress of a disabled, chronically ill son.

the weather in october and september has been glorious. days on end in the low seventies. clear blue skies and gorgeous autumn foliage. this morning, i ran another of several 5Ks since my knee pain abated (i started too hard.) these days, i take it relatively easy. it feels good. running is so much more pleasant than swimming indoors. nice to look around at the world instead of at stripes on the bottom of a pool. and, i don't smell like chlorine all day long. it's nice to see friends. greet and wave to strangers. watch the landscape changing with the seasons. i can feel my lungs and thighs, glutes and calves getting stronger. when i melt a little more of this middle i hope to feet light and lithe like i used to. shouldn't take much doing. i'm lucky my body is still responsive.

early yesterday was perfect for a drive. calvin was home from school for the indigenous people's day holiday, so we took our usual ride. we ran into the carhart dog-walker whose name is john. we slowed to a stop and visited for a bit. he told me about his job and about the gorgeous flowering plants he is tending in his front yard, which are chock full of purplish blossoms, and then we said so long.

a mile or two down the road i saw a new friend i recently met. she's one of the regulars i've seen on my back roads car rides. her name is lorel and she does a lot of walking. i pulled to the shoulder and rolled down the windows so she could meet calvin and smellie. in the back seat, calvin was going a little berserk, but she didn't seemed fazed at all. probably in her seventies, she's fit and spunky, clad in leggings, an oversized sweater or jacket, nappy hat and colorful knit gloves. she told me of her violin playing and offered me some homemade pesto; i sense she makes it in bulk from basil she grows. i may have to take her up on it!

today, thankfully, calvin went to school again. he hasn't missed much this year. i put him on the bus around seven and he comes home just after two. today, i had enough time to walk smellie, run, eat a bowl of granola, install the bird bath my new friend and neighbor gave me, mow most of the lawn with our manual mower, shower, tend to email, and write a little—all good ways of getting lost and forgetting about my little enigma ... until he comes home.